HOW NIGERIAN RICH PARENTS ARE MAKING THEIR CHILDREN WEAK BY DR.GBENGA ADEOYE.

Few years ago, I was discussing with a friend and at the end of the conversation, we concluded that the motivation for many rich men today came from their poverty and poor backgrounds. 

I know most people that took their study serious in the 90's that have become mighty men of valour today because they knew where they were coming from.

They wanted to break the chains of poverty and they did.

1.I was discussing with an elder brother on a  Dinning table few days ago and he said, Gbenga; we parents of these days are spoiling our children.

2.We decide everything for them.We work for the money and spend the money on them while all they know is just to enjoy.

3.He said further to me, "in our time we decide when we want to get into marriage  and we inform our parents and in fact we made them not to worry about cost."

4.As if everyone who wanted to talk to me had this in mind; everything was around the same topic of spoiling our children.One man told me...My son is 32 and each time I look at him, I laugh..Another said my son is 41..but I wonder if they know how responsible I was when I was 41"

5.As for me...I will not allow my children to derail...We must let them know they have a duty to work hard.Me am not even rich yet like the big men I see around me.(Yoruba Adage: Agbojulogun firare fosi ta ni).( he that relies on inheritance will make himself poor)

6.There is nothing wrong in having a wealthy parent but if children of the rich are not properly trained; they will destroy the wealth after the exit of their parents  from this planet.

7.I recalled one day I spoke to a Chief in my town whom I have known in my early 20's while working in a firm where he was our client.He said to me Gbenga...look before I was 40, I was already a high Chief in Egbaland with a viable paint factory.

He was questioning why young men will not be able to take up responsibility as  grown men.

8.I also recalled talking to another High Chief in my town who was like a father and a client telling me when he built his first house in his 20's and he said to his children; if at 40 plus, you cannot manage this factory that I set up while I was younger than you then; something is wrong. 

9.I spoke to another client few days ago who questioned why our children will desire that their father should buy them cars and buy them houses too.

10.I have seen a man who was above 80 as a lecturer somewhere and yet still worry himself about how to send money to his children who supposed to be sending money to him..What an Irony.Is that how they were raised by their parents.?That man is still lecturing and using his energy to earn money when he is supposed to be receiving money from children and grand children and if at at all he wants to lecture it should just be like exercise of the brain for pleasure.

11.We must correct this now before it is too late.Entitlement mentality is too much these days among youths.They just want to collect .They are not ready to suffer one day.We must not destroy them indirectly by over caring for them.

12.We must say no to as many requests as possible so they can learn to work hard and also grow in faith.In fact some will just send you a message and put account number in it.They have not been in talking terms with you for months or years ooo.Only when they need something; that is when their message will drop.Some go as far as their father's friend or friend of their bosses to solicit for money...No Courtesy at all.

13.Back to one of my town elder brother who spoke to me few days ago, he said "these our children; the way we are raising them; we are  daily weakening  their fighting spirit to overcome difficulties because all they know is enjoyment"...I wept inside of me and made a promise to address these matter with an Article that all rich parents much read and use to adjust their training methods.( You are rich too if you are reading this article.Let us learn together)

14.I picked those words and I also recalled how the Alake of Egbaland use to educate me on how he was responsible before  age 30 and was already occupying important positions in the Military when he was less than 40.

15.Some young men are in their early 40's  today but they are very irresponsible.Some do not even want to marry.Very unserious youths.It is a different matter for those who have issues with marriage but we are talking of people who still behave like kids.

16.I have also sat down with the likes of Chief Obasanjo who have also been responsible with his pursuit in life in the Army and sometimes he will buy a car and sell it.These men served in different parts of Nigeria.They were focused on their goals.Today in one week he can travel round many states..and outside.Hard work was inside of them from their teenage years.

17.The likes of Dr.Onaolapo Soleye were men who first went to Teach in the same School after leaving BBHC .

He didn't just acquire PhD from day 1.He travelled far to Teach in Igede Ekiti and many places before he rose to his  level of prominence in life and many like him.

What of Prof Woke Soyinka? who worked so hard to become a Nobel laureate. 

18.Should we talk about former Past Governors in Ogun State like Chief Bisi Onabanjo, Chief Olusegun  Oshoba,Otunba  Gbenga Daniel, Senator Ibikunle Amosun..Even Dapo Abiodun..(Omo Baba Teacher..)

19.The little I know about Dapo is that he has been a hustler long ago...He kept trying ...till he ended up becoming the governor. He was to be the youngest senator at a time..A fighting spirit works no matter any other deficiency about any human beings..They all did not start as children of big men in their days as students.

Even those men running for office today begining from Asiwaju Bola Tinubu to Atiku and Peter Obi.. They worked so hard to get there .It is not easy.

Men like Prof Osinbajo too worked so hard to attain their height.They did not start with brand new cars.No wonder he said at a time..Farabale...Calm down.

20.If you want to confirm ..go and get their pictures as Teenagers..or when they just got to School.You will know the big men of today were once boys that were struggling.

21.I read about an Ambassador from my town who had worked at several levels as Special Assistant to MKO and others ..They all struggled. 

22 One of our humble brother that have become successful in the US,  I heard struggled when he first got to US.They were all trying to make it by Trading in different types of products..committed to their goals to succeed.

That made him to help all the people that came into US after him as long as he was able to help them to find their feat.

No wonder when this same man wanted to give his daughter in Marriage in October 2022;  Houston Taxas was practically brought to Lagos  Nigeria as Nigerian Americans showed up for him.

23.Dr.Niran Malaolu, Kayode Amusan, Remi Bakre, among others  area examples of those men that have struggled in life.What about Pastors..who started churches..They were the choir, the drummer and the Preachers and today people only see their heights without finding out how they got there.

24.Great men of today fought their ways through hard work  to be great.

They rose through hard work and perseverance .

They understand the time of lack and the time of abundance.

They know when to rent houses, when to buy land and when to stop living with parents and uncles.

25.Most of them started taking good care of their parents since they started earning little income.

I have too many examples.I also learnt this early before I was 30 to do that to my parent.

26.Few weeks ago, I had a  conversation with one of my Egbon from Egbaland at Sheraton Hotel in Lagos who happens to be a  Former House of Rep member.He gave me details of how he rented the first room and parlour and sold his Passat car to start agency work and today he is a force to reckon with when it comes to property business in Lagos.His father had a nail factory but he decided at a time to work hard and rise without his father's wealth.

27.Should we talk about the likes of Chief Shina Luwoye from my local government, these are men that really work hard for whatever they have today.

28 I listened to one of the High Chiefs in my town last week who also narrated how he got involved in Ibadan UPN or NPN  in those  days and was able to discover the evil plan to remove someone from an Agency and he stopped it. Then he could be referred to as that boy...Responsible men with ability to influence the removal and non removal of people from Federal Agencies objectively. That kindness and responsible youthful age  is still making ways for him till today from those who heard the story and are related to those he helped. One new set of Chief in my town is a Lawyer worked so hard after leaving  University of Ife.Those who see them live at Ikoyi today may not know that these great men once lived around Iyana Ipaja or Egbeda.

29.Several of our great men whose children now live like sons and daughters of the Queen or King of England are really children of parents who really struggled in their lives to attain their level of wealth and influence. They  never dressed nakedly when they were rising but now they keep quiet and allow their children to do so ...Does Parent Wealth come with nakedness of their children  ? Does it come with drugs? Smoking of weeds?  Am.only asking.

30.If I tell my own story many will not even believe me anyway  but I am in the category of men that struggled and laboured  to rise and am still rising anyway.

When we were in Primary School; we use to make baskets to the market every five days..We had our farms, we get involved on the farm.I use to tell my children to see how their age mates  walk miles to School and it does not stop such kids from becoming mighty men.

31.I know Senators, I know Governors and many important persons that are great today not because they inherited any wealth but because they work so hard to rise.

Let me address what rich parents need to do to avert the danger  ahead of their children .

A.Tell them how you made it.Let them know they need to defend wealth.

B.Tell them your age when you built your first house or bought your first car or house .

C.Tell the boys to be responsible and get married on time because if you did not get married early, you wouldn't have gotten them when you did.

D.Teach them about savings.Tell them about Land in certain places.

E.Teach them about modesty.

F.Teach them about how responsible people & Africans as well as leaders of tomorrow should dress Tell them about the vanity in nakedness .Teach them to know how to be humble and respect people no matter their class in the society.

G.Teach them how to learn to give to elders.

H.Teach them to have decorum.

I.Teach them to do better than you.

J.Show them what to avoid and what to pursue.Tell them about the danger of crime.

K.Tell them about your past mistakes and errors so that they will not fall into it.

L.Do not allow them to dictate to you.We do not dictate to our parents.

M. As long as you are alive, have a say in their life. As a married man our parent still talk to us.If your wife should report you to your father or mother; you know it is a big problem.Let your children reverence you.They cannot always have their ways.They cannot disobey you and still get money and food in your house. Let them follow you to the office and to places as much as possible.

N.Tell them NEVER to take drugs.

O. Tell them to dress well and insist on how they should dress by explaining the honour and glory that comes over them if they dress well.( Repeating this)

P Tell them to speak with dignity.

Q.Tell them NEVER to be gay or lesbian.

R.Tell them the danger of drug deals and wire fraud as well as any form of crime.

S.Tell them about the danger of sexual immorality. 

T.Teach them how to be independent like you and that must be early in life.

U. Teach them about giving ..They must start from you.They must give to you.

V..Visit their rooms..Check what they are doing and what they like to listen to.Sit with them and control the channels they watch on TV.Many predators are out there on the Internet.

W.Conclusion

Take note that if you fail to train them, when you are gone; they will not be able to stand  where you use to stand and they will not be relevant in the land because you did not show them how to get there and how to retain the height.

Don't be a father that say and act like Yoruba will say Erin Ki Fon ki omo re fon...( don't let greatness end with you)

The Author, 

Dr.Gbenga Adeoye holds a Bachelors Degree in Law and PhD in Management Accounting.

He holds an MSc.in Banking & Finance.

He is a Fellow of the Chartered  Institute of Taxation of Nigeria and a Fellow of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria.

He also holds a Diploma in Criminology and Security Studies.

He Studied Internantional Business Law at The University of London for his LLM.

He believes that National Development is a function of the Quality of people in leadership.

He is a Public Speaker on Good Governance, Tax & Fiscal Policy as well as  Leadership.

He is a business Development expert who believes that future leaders must be trained to avoid Occupied Vacuum.

He can be reached by e mail via:

 dga@gbengaadeoye.com